NVC Needs

Strategies are what we want - needs are why we want it. 

We want to try and get to a point that we understand our needs and can express them in the way that allows all parties to honour their own needs and act out of empathy and deep relationship. This is really important and impacts our relationships from the moment we are born and are in relationship with our parents and care givers.

Rather than having strategies to get what we want, which is certainly not a bad thing, what else can be done and this is the quest of NVC.

Miki Kashtan of NGL community says ‘If you want to have a simple way of knowing whether your want is a strategy or a need, you can use the acronym

PLATO: Person, Location, Action, Time, and Object.

If what you want includes any one of these, then you can be pretty sure you are still talking about a strategy and not the need.

The benefit of understanding our need and not needing to strategise to get the need met is the connection we have in being heard, considered, being met with empathy for ourselves and from others. Having the need met requires empathy and mutual respect in relationship.

If a need is not met then seek ways to have our needs met.

Sarah Peyton has been curious about needs and in her work has discovered how neuroscience has revealed how deeply our emotions and needs are connected. It is incredible work and very exciting to understand that as we connect to emotions and needs we are able to support ourselves and others in compassionate healing and living.

What an amazing world it would be if we all deepened our understanding of both of ourselves and of the relationships we are in, the needs of each other and connecting to our empathy.